Shame and the Bear Body.
Lately the man with a little bit of weight around his waist is becoming more and more en vogue, from the sub-culture of the gay community with the bear culture to the sexualization of the "dad-bod". However, something that has not been talked about is the all the shame of years that men who have held onto this intense desire to look "normal" to not be referred to as fatso, husky or big boy.
You can feel good about the outside, but what is really happening inside?
Men who have been brought up with a preoccupation with their personal appearance because of their weight have managed to hold onto the trauma of dieting, social pressure and becoming disconnected with the rest of the body. Recently, I have been working with a lot of men who have come in dealing with shame around their body image. I have noticed that men who become obsessed with their appearance cannot truly connect with their erotic self, or better yet, refuse to see themselves as a sexual being.
During a session, I will would invite the practice of "bossy massage" where a person gets to ask for how to be touched, this is a mindful practice that will help a person get out of their head and get present into the body. Many times when working with men of size (or at least men who think they are overweight) tend to really be disconnected with the rest of the body. I also have noticed that eventually through the practice, (which can be done dressed or undressed) men will guide me to the belly. It is such a place of shame, but yet physical touch on the belly can feel some comfort and even some insight.
Sometimes just placing focus on one area (such as the belly) that is guided by the actual recipient can activate the mind body connection that will provide an emotional response. I have seen men start talking about their shame, fears, anger and their journey. To mindfully put the focus on an area of the body that has troubled us (in a safe space) can release some shame. I invite the men I work with to really focus on the breath, to really be mindful of the moment.
Men do not have to be imprisoned with shame around their weight nor let it rule how sexy they can feel!
JoJo Bear is a Somatic Sex Coach and Hypnotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area who works with men of all sizes and shapes! Check out his site at www.metamorphicembodiment.com