I was a teenage chaser!
When I was a young boy I knew something was different about me, I was attracted to men, but I noticed something even more unique I was attracted to bigger men. I remember one of my first crushes was on my friend Danny's Dad, who was beefy, hairy and had a beer belly. I remember so desperately wanting to be around him and just look at his body. I couldn't understand what was the attraction?
As I became sexually active as a teenager I remember when I would go out cruising or out at a club I would seek out the "bearish" type of men. I was captivated by men who were bigger than me, especially with large bellies. I felt this comfort and safety around these men, it was literally like being with a living teddy bear. It was exhilarating! However, I did have others in my life, other gay men who were a little on the critical side, giving their opinion about how "fat" men were not appropriate to date. Basically, I was surrounded by shallow queens who were obsessed with the outside.
What happened was I started to keep my "chasing" a secret, I would meet men in various places or even date men that were bears or chubby and really didn't let anyone know. I recall a time in my 20's that I had a really sweet and cuddly guy named John, who rocked a beard and glasses and was a little pudgy and stout and he had dropped me off at my apartment. We were kissing by the front door of my place, my roommate appeared. I remember how pigheaded he was after my hefty date left. My roommate mentioned how "fat" he was and what was I thinking? He questioned my choices of men I wanted to date. It was an attack on my self esteem, I felt some shame and even questioned it myself. For some reason I pushed John away. I was too immature and was worrying so much about what others think!
So I kept plenty of my relationships a secret until I met a friend just like me! Tony and I were both at a party that was being held by a mutual friend in West Hollywood, so it was a house filled with pretty boys and muscle men. Everyone was fabulous, nobody there piqued my interest. Until I saw the one short, chubby balding guy in the corner looking so out of place and awkward. I immediately had a crush on him, but so did Tony, who was making the moves on him. Tony was a thinner guy in his 20's just like me at the time and we literally made this guys night, we both threw ourselves at him, it was hilarious looking back at it all. We both slept with the guy at different times later on (that is another story) but that night Tony and I sat out by the pool, after our little obsession left and talked for hours about being attracted to bearish men, I didn't feel alone anymore, or strange. It was just like coming out for the 2nd time.
These days my type hasn't changed so much, although I can be somewhat considered a bear myself. Nowadays having a "dad bod" or being part of the bear community is so widely accepted and even sexualized in many forms (videos, photos, celebrities) it is amazing how much things have changed.
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