Performance Anxiety during sex? Well, then you are probably not being selfish!

So, you and your lover are getting into a little romp in the sack and suddenly your cock won't work, the more you concentrate, the more it just won't rise to the occasion. Well, lets see what the issue is?

Now, first off let me tell you that losing an erection may come with age and health.

However, we are focusing on the man dealing with "performance anxiety" which can be an occasion when a man is stuck in his head and not his body! And it may not necessarily be all about the cock not "working"!

Many times as a Somatic Sex Coach a man comes into my studio and tells me, "Can you fix me, I keep losing my hard on when I'm with somebody having sex, I try and try, but I can't and its frustrating!"

My next question is "Does it happen when you are masturbating?"

I typically get a "No!"

So when the loss of erection happens during partner engagement many things can be coming up; shame, mental distraction and possibly even trauma. All of these can create blocks. But I want to take this even further.

Pleasure.

Yes, pleasure. Typically people have a problem really understanding how to receive pleasure.

Say What?

Yes, think about it. When was the last time you really asked for what you wanted when it came to sex and your body? It is customary for many men (not all) to be in a giving mode. That has nothing to do with top or bottom. It has to do with the idea that we can fall into the pleasing situation. When we are having sex people typically go into this zone of wanting to practice doing things to make the other person feel good, (yes it may feel good to you to suck a cock) but who is it for? Is it for you or for them? Ponder that!

To make things clear. This is a practice about learning how to take pleasure in!

Yes, to take pleasure to establish a way to really ask for what you need and nothing more.

At this point a client will scream, "But that is selfish!"

I say, "Of course"

They will scratch their head.

Think about it it, how can one really truly give pleasure unless they know how to take pleasure? Makes you think right? So when a man is in a space of performance anxiety and has lost his erection where is he at emotionally? He is probably in a state of not asking for what he truly needs. So when a client wants to begin his journey about figuring out why this is happening, we go to the beginning, we start to engage in ways to ask for what he may need in regards to touch, to build a voice that is about "taking" pleasure in and not asking for anything more. Wait, that is kind of starting to sound like boundaries!

Oh yes my dear. Boundaries. Yikes not that new-agey word!

Once a person truly starts to understand how to take in pleasure somatically. Then there can be room for being able to allow another person to touch you or please you. Until someone truly gets the concept of how to take in pleasure there will always be this conflict with the head. And sometimes the head can not be a good place to be!

So maybe the next time you are with a sex partner and start to feel that performance anxiety come on, stop and ask yourself, what am I trying to accomplish, am I asking for what I want? Is this for me or for them? Am I using my voice? Can I consider for just one moment that maybe I could find other places in my body that I can feel erotic and sensual?

Want to learn more about practicing taking pleasure in?

Visit JoJo "Bear" DeRodrigo at www.metamorphicembodiment.com or drop an email at metamophicembodiment@mail.com

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